Disappointment, Delusion, and God’s Timing

Disappointment is something I think everyone fears in their life.  There’s quite literally nothing more disappointing than having your expectations let down (I explain why having expectations is exactly the issue here).  It hits almost too hard when you feel so strongly about something and have persuaded yourself enough that it would work out differently in the end.  It’s a type of feeling that penetrates the soul because you know you deserve better, you know what you offer, and you know the potential you have.  Yet, for some odd reason, it sometimes feels like no one else sees the same in you.  In reality, it’s not “everyone.”  I’m sure there’s at least one person who believes in you.  It’s just the people who hold the power to get you from Point A to Point B that are often the hardest to convince —and the most protected by gatekeeping, industry politics, nepotism, elitism, favoritism…shall I continue?

The Pain of Expectation

Disappointment comes mostly as a result of allowing yourself to be defined by someone or something external.  It could be a result of you having high expectations, realistic or unrealistic, of others & the outside world — basically you determine how you feel based on the external.  And if there’s one basic thing people should know (including me) - it’s to always understand that you cannot be responsible for another person’s actions, nor the result of how things that are OUT OF YOUR CONTROL turn out. 

It can feel incredibly lonely to spend years constructing the identity you want to share with the world — only for it to go unnoticed. When you're trying to build something meaningful, and no one seems to see it yet, it starts to wear on your spirit.  And so — what does one do to deal with the incessant feelings of disappointment?  Because if you give into them, you will forever be a victim of external validation and essentially unhappy for the rest of your life. 

And, worse, once you give into and identify with how the world labels you, you’ll never be satisfied with your life.  We can speak about disappointment in many different scenarios — career, romantic relationships, family relationships, etc.. All explanations can be skewed, but, for the most part, disappointment comes from judging yourself based on how others judge you.  And in no scenario is this the correct way to think and go about things in a healthy manner (yes, I’m calling myself out here).  

In the entertainment industry, I’ve learned in every difficult way that giving into disappointment will get you absolutely nowhere.  It essentially comes down to changing your perspective and seeing the world in a different way than you may have seen it before.  Call it delusion or whatever - sometimes that may be exactly what you need to get through the process.  

Shifting the Lens: from “No” to “Not Yet”

A positive effect I’ve seen from working in this industry (this works outside entertainment, as well) - despite how others may take it — is this immense growth of determination and persistence in face of adversity.   I believe I inherently had some thick skin before entering the industry, but I know it’s been significantly calcified over time.  I learned very early on that a million “No’s” will not define who you are and how successful you will become.  I’ve legitimately heard “No” my entire life, but in a seemingly paradoxical way, this is exactly what my driving factor is.  

There’s been a million and one times I’ve wanted to or could have used that as an excuse to give up.  But it’s the change in perspective that gets you through that belief.  It’s understanding that another “no” is a step closer to that one “yes” you need.  Because — quite literally — that singular “yes” could be all you need to get to where you want to be.  So why risk giving up on your dreams and aspirations because of the judgements of others?  The scale is so completely off balance & when you think about it in a bigger perspective - it doesn't logically make sense to give into it.  Why throw away everything you’ve worked hard to become all for a fleeting thought/judgment from someone you may or may not know?  And who is anyone else to place that judgment as it is?  Everything in this world is so relative to one’s own life experiences and beliefs.  It’s no reflection of you because there is no one else who has lived your own life experience.  Once you become okay with that, your outlook on life and other people will change.  Opinions from others no longer matter as much as they used to, destructive criticisms from others are no longer harped on, and limiting beliefs no longer realistically make sense.  

ANYONE can become a victim of external validation if you allow it.  It doesn’t matter how much money someone has, how beautiful someone is, how “successful” someone is, etc..  Anyone is susceptible to words and how they place meaning to them.  

Delusional Confidence

And I am no shrink or anything like that whatsoever.  This was actually a bit difficult for me to put into words because I often have feelings of disappointment (which is exactly why I'm writing about it) and do anything I can to avoid it.  I’m writing this for myself, too.  To reinforce that this way of thinking is limiting and unruly.  It’s a reminder to keep pushing and understand that it’s all God’s timing.  Whatever happens is meant to be this way at this moment.  

So I’m here to reiterate that yea - maybe you do have to be utterly delusional and “unrealistically” confident in yourself to get what you want out of this life.  You only have one and I’ll be damned if I let anyone get in the way of my happiness.  And when people tell you that the “world doesn’t revolve around you…” you can kindly tell them that… 

It actually does.